I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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