we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
