yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Drunk is not a location!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
