wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
