i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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