we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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