for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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