If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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