i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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