i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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