I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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