I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
