I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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