Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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