I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Randomize
