i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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