dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
