12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
