So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
