Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
