was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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