awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
