Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
