we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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