someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Randomize
