Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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