I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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