He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
