You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
