No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
