I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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