then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
