i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
