Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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