I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My ass is underappreciated
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
