Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
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who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
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Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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