Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
