You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
