Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
