i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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