Do vagina's smell?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
