I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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