I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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