Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
