Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
