It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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