Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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