I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
