the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
