Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
