i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
