Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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