Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
