please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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