foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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