I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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