I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
