The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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