So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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