dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
