I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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