Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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