i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
