Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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