Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
