I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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