Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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