The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
