After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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