Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
