I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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