everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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