The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
