By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
