Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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