I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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