I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i was born a porn star she said
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
