Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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