if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
