I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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